{"product_id":"today-i-choose-violence-unless-i-fall-asleep-first-funny-unisex-t-shirt","title":"Today I Choose Violence… Unless I Fall Asleep First – Funny Unisex T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp style=\"margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 19px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-kerning: none;\"\u003eEmbrace your chaotic neutral era with this bold and relatable tee. The “Today I Choose Violence… Unless I Fall Asleep First” shirt captures that perfect blend of aggression and exhaustion. Whether you’re fueled by caffeine, ADHD, or just pure spite, this shirt lets the world know you might throw hands—or take a nap. No promises.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; min-height: 13.8px;\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 19px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-kerning: none;\"\u003ePrinted on the durable and comfortable Gildan 5000 Heavy Cotton Tee, it’s a classic fit that feels great all day long—whether you’re conquering your to-do list or avoiding it entirely.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; min-height: 13.8px;\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; color: #808080; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #808080; min-height: 13.8px;\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; min-height: 13.8px;\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 19px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-kerning: none;\"\u003eProduct Features:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; min-height: 13.8px;\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli style=\"margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 19px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-kerning: none;\"\u003eMade from 100% ethically grown US cotton\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli style=\"margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 19px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-kerning: none;\"\u003eMedium weight fabric (5.3 oz\/yd² or 180 g\/m²)\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli style=\"margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 19px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-kerning: none;\"\u003eClassic unisex fit with a crew neck\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli style=\"margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 19px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-kerning: none;\"\u003eTear-away label for itch-free comfort\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli style=\"margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 19px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-kerning: none;\"\u003eSeamless sides and taped shoulders for a clean, durable fit\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli style=\"margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 19px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-kerning: none;\"\u003ePerfect for introverts, chaos gremlins, and nap enthusiasts\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; min-height: 13.8px;\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; min-height: 13.8px;\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; color: #808080; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #808080; min-height: 13.8px;\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; min-height: 13.8px;\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 19px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-kerning: none;\"\u003eCare Instructions:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; min-height: 13.8px;\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli style=\"margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 19px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-kerning: none;\"\u003eMachine wash cold, inside out\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli style=\"margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 19px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-kerning: none;\"\u003eTumble dry low\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli style=\"margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 19px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-kerning: none;\"\u003eDo not iron directly on the design\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli style=\"margin: 0px 0px 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-width: normal; font-size: 19px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-kerning: none;\"\u003eNon-chlorine bleach only when needed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ctable id=\"size-guide\" style=\"min-width: 360px;\"\u003e\n\u003cthead\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"padding: 10px;\"\u003e \u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003eS\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003eM\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003eL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003eXL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003e2XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003e3XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003e4XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003e5XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/thead\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003eWidth, in\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e18.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e20.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e22.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e24.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e26.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e28.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e30.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e32.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003eLength, in\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e28.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e29.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e30.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e31.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e32.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e33.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e34.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e35.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003eSleeve length (from center back), in\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e15.10\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e16.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e18.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e19.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e21.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e22.40\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e23.70\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e25.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd 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